The Modern Woman

There are days when my ministry position is an overwhelming blessing, when I am humbled and amazed that the God I serve really has "chosen the foolish things" (1 Cor 1:27).  Then there are days, and I wish they weren't as frequent, when I feel as if I have been given the task of walking a dark cave, one in which no (wo)man has conquered before.  Instead of giving me a light, I have a meer, dim candle to guide me.  This new journey, is an adventure for sure!  I am learning to not only watch my step as I learn how to maneuver around rocks, but also to discover.  Discover, new and exciting passages; to even find a new tunnel, a new way to get to the end. 

That is essentially what I feel the Lord is wanting to do in and through me here at BBC.  To not take what was built by those before me (nor tear it down), but to cast a vision for where BBC Women is heading.  But, where are we heading???  What is our vision?

Up until last week, I thought my lack of vision (or incomplete clarity) was because I didn't have a vision at all, but now I am certain that I do know what the Lord is asking of me, but have been to preoccupied with others opinions and judgements to begin accomplishing it.  How silly!  See, if you spend any time talking to me, you know that I just hate "fluff".  Well, no, not altogether, just the fluff that tends to take over women ministries around world.  I long to "defluff" the church; to take this idea that all women are....
    MOTHERS
                       HOMESCHOOL THEIR 5 CHILDREN
                                                                                      MILL THEIR OWN WHEAT
         SPEND 3 HOURS IN PERSONAL PRAYER
                                                          KEEPS AN IMPECIBLY CLEAN HOUSE
                                        DRESSED TO THE NINES
                      ENJOY SUBMITTING TO THEIR SPOUSE (we are commanded because it's hard!)
                                                          ALWAYS SLOWS DOWN AT A YELLOW LIGHT
 ALWAYS FORGIVES
                                                                                                   ALWAYS LOVES
                              

Does anyone even know this woman?  I have been serving the Lord for 9 years, in a church of 5,000 and in one of 30 and I have yet to ever meet a woman that lines up with the image most women's ministries protray as "the godly woman".  And I know that I am not alone in my struggle to even try and be her.  I have put on that hat, hoping to change.  I bought wheat to mill (true story).  I bought a pasta maker, a bread machine, a whole line of cleaning supplies to kick start my journey into womanhood.  I attended all the women's retreats and glued together little flowers on cards.  I tried. 

See, last week I came across a blog post by Elyse Fitzpatrick, a patriarch of faith and had my "ah ha!" moment.  The title of the blog was "Why most women hate women's conferences".  She quickly described women who don't want to hear "seminars on Napkin Folding while weaving a little quasi-Bible story into it, like how we’re folded into the church".  Also, how we don't need bricks either.  That is to say tips, tricks, laws, rules...how to's.  We lug around backpacks full of bricks all day!  You know what I mean..."4 or 17 or 432 Steps to Become a Better Me".  It's exhausting!

Enough with the fluff.  How many times have you heard someone speak on the Proverbs 31 woman and went away feeling refreshed, as if it was obtainable?  Let me repaint her...  she was NOT perfect.  She was NOT cutesy.  No where does it say she quilted 100 blankets for the homeless (please understand that I LOVE QUILTS...I collect them!) or knew how to formally set a table.  (Salad fork, dinner fork, seafood fork?!) She was all together feminine and all together strong.  Womanhood is not about giving up our courage, our spunk, our practicality.  Proverbs 31 woman was rough, was beautiful, and I guarantee she was exhausted! 

Women, the generations before me and the generations to come are brave.  We want to change the world.  As one blogger put it, "We run marathons for our sisters, not so that we can lose weight. We have more to offer to the church than our mad decorating skills."  Most of all, we want realistic encouters with our God.  True fellowship with women.  A place to find prayer, healing, and support. 

I have heard a million women's studies on basic, easy women's topics.  I have attended events on cooking healthy, staying fit, and how to please my husband.  What I really want is to be challenged.  To wrestle through theology.  Jacob wrestled with the Angel, not letting him go until he blessed him and I refuse to believe that the role of wrestling, of fighting for the blessing, of not letting up until the Lord moves is only for the men.  I want a real encounter with my real God through a real work of the Holy Spirit.  I want to really weep, to really rejoice, to really do life with those around me.

The modern woman is staying single longer.  The modern mother is working part-time, if not full-time (65.5%!).  Regardless if you or I have an opinion on if this is biblical, it doesn't change that this is our society today.  This woman is intelligent and educationally driven.  In fact, 25% more women get college degrees than men.  Compare that with our 1950's woman: housekeeping and motherhood were considered the ideal role and women were becoming both at unprecidented rates.  The average mid-century woman was married by 20...! If I were to place myself in her shoes, I would be begging for someone to teach me how to make a bed, clean my house and host the perfect party too!  And it is not that the modern woman doesn't wish to gleen that same information, however, she isn't there yet.

If I could put myself under a microscope for a minute (this could be dangerous)... I did not marry until I was 26 years old.  In fact, I didn't believe I'd ever marry.  Not because of some low view of myself or fear of the opposite sex.  I was too busy serving the Lord!  It's not that I didn't think a man could love me, but that I did not want to give up my calling, my vision for a man's.  I had never attended a single women's event at my church (this is in New Jersey).  Well, I did once and felt so overwhelmed by the flowers/centerpieces/frills that I never went back.  What I was looking for wasn't there.  I subconsciously wanted someone to stand up and tell me that it's not about me...to give me the honest Good News. And someone did.  She wasn't apart of the women's ministry, but the youth group.  Her and her husband gave me a true glimpse of what it is to survive and THRIVE in my Christian walk.  This man taught me theology, how to evangelize, how to read my Bible.  His wife discipled me, showed me not how to be a wife to a man, but how to be a bride to Christ.  It was real fellowship based on a real connection. 

The women's ministry is on the move, ladies.  It is not moving because the current way doesn't work. It does, but it is only working for 30% of our church.   I am NOT on a soapbox condemning.  I am NOT belittling.  Early on, living in England, I had to quickly learn that things like driving on the left was not wrong, but different.  The same applies here.  What we have done at BBC up until now is not wrong.  Heaven's no.  However, God is wanting to do something different. 

Why?  Because, BBC Women, look around.  Our nursery is literally bursing through the walls.  We have more children than ever before.  (Praise God!!) Where are those moms?  Our 20-30 somethings are not involved in women's ministries.  We are missing them. (Not to mention the single moms who seem to be single-handedly running the nursery!)
 
Think about our teenagers.  They are quickly growing and, having so few interactions with BBC Women, they are not moving right in, but falling completely out.

Think about our singles. Up until this summer there wasn't even a singles group.  The men nor the women were offering anything.

 Titus 2 tells older women to mentor the younger, and that is strongly lacking on both sides.  Young women are not getting that shoulder they need and the older are not using their godly wisdom.  This is the #1 reason for change.  It's time to adapt and follow God's leading.  This means I need you to trust me.  Yes, trust me, a broken sinner.  I know that's scary.  However, God has called me here as He did Esther "for such a time as this".  Things may start looking different, new events, different studies.  Some things will stay the same.  What ministers to a 65 year old may not for a 25 year old.  That doesn't mean we are going to wipe out that 65 year old's ministry and say "get on the bandwagon!"  No, but we do need to facilitate a church where BOTH can come and be ministered to: same building, same roof.

This means everything is under the microscope.  We are going to revisualize how we do ministry.  Who is our target audience?  How can they be reached? Is our goal to encourage, edify and challenge women to live boldly for the Lord? 

What will you see?  First, a BBC Women facelift. 
This means new graphics- modern, clean, and fun.  We are 10 years behind our culture in this department when I think we could be progressive.  Let's be leaders (God is all about creating leaders, is He not?)  This means new ministries.  This means more meaningful encounters with each other.  This also means we we are going to let go of the 1950's housewife image of womanhood and ask the Lord to shape us into world-changers, or at least Phoenix-movers. 

It's women's ministry uncut.  If you have comments or concerns, fears, or excitement...please just talk to me.  I want you to see my heart.  I'm going to shake the boat, and I am sure there are things that I may even fail at, but I do believe, as Pastor Kent reminded me this morning, the results will outweigh the risks.  So, BBC Women, will take this risk with me?